You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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