My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
