nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
