apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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