He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
