Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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