i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
honey bunches of taint.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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