3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
