when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize