Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
