And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
