He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
