I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend