I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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