I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I spit up blood this morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.