Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sex in a hospital.. check
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.