This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
