Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
