I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
