But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My vagina is officially offended.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
