Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she peed on how many people?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
