I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
