just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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