I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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