I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
