I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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