i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
