i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
