i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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