you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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