cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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