This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
