he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's get the cat blown out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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