All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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