She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She bit a glass in half.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
