You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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