How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
