you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have post one night stand depression
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