i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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