see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
