She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
