if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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