Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize