I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
