you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
