he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
