my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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