she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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