I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
