She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
