So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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