I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
COCAINE IS GR8
Couch. On fire.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
