Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
