new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize