Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
