that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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