Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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