You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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