Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ok first of all what the fuck
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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