oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
sex in a hospital.. check
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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