i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
