all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
