My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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