he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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