We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
